Best James Patterson Jokes Ever!

Just too hilarious. Had a moral obligation to reblog

Dysfunctional Literacy

If James Patterson doesn’t like these James Patterson jokes, he can hire some co-authors to write new ones. (image via wikimedia If James Patterson doesn’t like these James Patterson jokes, he can hire some co-authors to write new ones. (image via wikimedia)

Wow, James Patterson has written a lot of books! Even without his co-authors, James Patterson has written more best-sellers than the average writer.  It takes a lot of talent (and other traits) to “write” around 12 books a year.  Since very few authors have matched James Patterson’s achievements (I wasn’t sure whether or not to put quotation marks around “achievements”), no other author deserves to be honored with humor (or good-natured mockery) like James Patterson .

The following James Patterson jokes might not be funny, but they are the only James Patterson jokes around (that I know of).  So by default, these are the BEST JAMES PATTERSON JOKES EVER!!!

*****

JAMES PATTERSON’S LOYAL READERS

Stephen King, John Grisham, and James Patterson were hanging out at a coffee shop bragging about…

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Annie Hall Review

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A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark –  Alvy Singer

Woody Allen’s Annie Hall is about neurotic Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) trying to figure out what went wrong with his relationship with commercial actress-singer Annie Hall (Diane Keaton).

The script of this movie is fantastic. I actually watched this movie because I heard that this movie was path breaker in cinema and that movies like (500) Days of Summer were possible because of this flick. The acting is superb. Diane Keaton and Woody Allen are awesome in their roles. The movie does have a very non-conventional approach, with subtitles showing what the characters are really thinking, the leads getting transported to the past, Alvy talking to the camera, etc.

The movie tackles questions regarding philosophy, love and shows us that love is a banana peel that we all have to step on and fall. The movie also takes on the discrimination against Nazis and various social issues and believe me, it is very relate-able. The score doesn’t have much effect as it should have in this movie and the editing feels soppy even though the movie is less than 100 minutes long. The cinematographer does a decent job but Wood Allen’s direction is laudable. I always find it difficult to think that someone can go out there and act and still the direct the movie. But, like Ben Affleck, Allen has also got it right.

But was it as good as I expected it to be? No. Let us see where it went wrong. The jokes started falling flat from the beginning itself and that really affected the movie. There are some good jokes, but the bad ones outweigh them. I guess if it could have been more funnier, it could have been more on the lines of (500) Days of Summer. The movie started lagging and sort of began feeling like a philosophical discussion than the popcorn fare. Don’t get me wrong, I love such movies too but there is a desperate attempt by Allen to try to make this movie hilarious which sort of fails.

Even though it is below the 100 minutes run time mark, I still feels like it lagging and the main fault of the movie was that sort of made Annie look like a bitch. Like, Alvy got into singing which made her successful, Alvy made her more intelligent and conscious and Alvy even paid for her goddamned analytical sessions and then she took all the benefits and dumped him. Yeah, the movie makes her look like a complete bitch which (500) Days of Summer, a flick that was inspired and sort of followed along the same lines as that of Annie Hall, successfully averted.So, I guess it wasn’t that great after all.

So folks, Annie Hall is a good movie but not a great one as often presented. Allen and Diane do the best they can but the unsuccessful humor and lagging scenes outweighed their performances and turned this movie into an average fare, although it needs to appreciated for its non-conventionalism and that superb animation scene.

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Rating: 7.8 / 10

THANKS FOR READING. IF YOU HAVE LIKED/HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS/HAVE ANY  DOUBTS, PLEASE SHARE. I WILL RESPOND TO IT AS SOON AS I CAN. AND PLEASE SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE TOO https://www.facebook.com/pages/Demanded-Critical-Reviews/1565666967024477?ref=hl YOU CAN ALSO E-MAIL ME ON castlebang786@gmail.com OR favebook2011@rediffmail.com.

(500) Days Of Summer Review

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Do you ever do this, you think back on all the times you’ve had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?
– Tom Hansen

Marc Webb’s (500) Days of Summer (yes, the punctuation is required) is about Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) a greeting card writer who believes that everyone finds true love. But, then comes Summer (Zoey Deschanel) a new employee at his company who believes that there is no such thing as love. And they embark on a relationship which eventually ends in a break-up but changes the views of both Tom and Summer.

After Whiplash, this is the only movie that I gave a standing ovation to. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zoey Deschanel’s performances are headline-worthy. They just rock ! I have always been a fan of Zoey after watching ‘New Girl’ and Joseph did give us the hilarious ’50/50′, but they have never been so good.

The movie begins with Summer breaking up with Tom and follows Tom recounting his pleasant and unpleasant experiences with Summer. The movie is so thoughtful that is it shows itself just like a break up. You remember all the good memories first and get emotionally attached to them and then remember the times when everything went wrong. Never have I seen such a thoughtful and mature romantic movie like (500) Days of Summer. Many of you may wonder why I am putting that crappy punctuation again and again. Because many it is the essence of the movie. Like the tagline said, ‘This is a story of boy meets girl but it is not a love story’. Many critics argued that the movie was sort of depressing. I don’t know they found such a hilarious movie to be depressing but if they did, it was meant to be. Because it is about the definitive 500 days that Tom spent with Summer and how they changed each other’s views.

The movie is one of the most funniest rom-coms ever made. The movie was well supplemented by the hilarious narration and the musical vibe Webb had bestowed in it. The movie is unconventional, yes and I like such movies who like to experiment. Who wants to see that same crap over and over again ? Scenes such as the party scene in which Tom’s imagination and reality are shown side by side are superb and fascinating and are given a firm stand by the beautiful score and songs such as the Hero song in that scene. And there is a scene in which Clark Gregg’s character Vance is having a conversation with Levitt’s character Tom about his recent greeting cards and that according to me is one of the best comedic scenes shot in this century and even thinking about the dialogues in that scene still makes me laugh.

The movie has superb cinematography which changes according to the vibe of the movie, which the movie has many. The editor should be lauded because most of the movies below 100 minutes running time usually feel like they are missing something but every scene is relevant in this movie. And sometimes there are some scenes that feel unnecessary like Tom’s friends talking about love but they all come together at the end of the movie. Ah yes, the end. The movie just present its view about love so insightfully like a scientist presents his thesis for a doctorate. The end reflects how the views of the leads change throughout the movie and although the relationship does end in a breakup, it forever changes both of their lives. And even then, Webb cares about us, the audience, and makes sure that he gives us an ending which guarantees that we will leave the cinema hall with a smile on our faces. He also ensures that we don’t leave thinking that Summer is a bitch, it is just that she wasn’t ready for that relationship and the experience with Tom will, I think, make her marriage successful and even if you think Summer’s a bitch, Tom did get a happy ending at the end, so no problem.

(500) Days of Summer is the smartest and one of the most wittiest romantic comedies ever made and will surely penetrate through every idea that the viewer has about love in a beautiful and unconventional method (and once again reminding you, don’t forget the punctuation.)

Rating : 9.4 / 10

THANKS FOR READING. IF YOU HAVE LIKED/HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS/HAVE ANY  DOUBTS, PLEASE SHARE. I WILL RESPOND TO IT AS SOON AS I CAN. AND PLEASE SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE TOO https://www.facebook.com/pages/Demanded-Critical-Reviews/1565666967024477?ref=hl YOU CAN ALSO E-MAIL ME ON castlebang786@gmail.com OR favebook2011@rediffmail.com.

Premam Review

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Alphonse Putharen’s Premam is about George David (Nivin Pauly) who experiences love with three different women during his life and how these women change his life is depicted in the movie. The movie also focuses on the changing world and how George’s friends get involved in his attempts to woo these women.
Nivin Pauly is brilliant in this movie. He successfully gets the transition of his character right from George’s teenage to adulthood. The supporting actors are superb in their role. Krishna Shankar and Shabareesh Varma are superb in their roles.
The direction of this movie is stupendous. Rarely have I seen a coming of age movie flowing as seamlessly through its narrative as Premam. The movie is almost 3 hours long but there is not a moment when you are bored. The script of the movie is superb. The transition of time has been thoroughly focused in the script. The methods of wooing change and the maturity of the romances change.
Everything works for this flick. The cinematography is superb in this movie. Alphonse Putharen, the director of this movie, has himself edited the flick which worked out pretty well for this movie considering its running time. The direction always has a vision of the movie even before its made, and Alphonse has ensured that scenes keep on changing continuously that the audience doesn’t feel the long running time. The score of this movie is awesome. And I really liked that Contra song which was so perfectly timed in that movie.
The movie’s best aspect was that it focused on the stationary characters’ dialogues too. If you have watched the movie, of which chances are humongous, you may notice that although the camera is focused on the main characters, there are dialogues in the background that are audible to us, and they give us some of the best laughs and realism. The movie has infused everyday life into its core like Court and therefore gives us the best laughs that many of you, and also me, haven’t had since a long time. Really, after the release of 3 Idiots, this is the only movie that had me laughing from the beginning to the end.
This is the only Indian movie which has learned from Hollywood movies. I recounted Juno and (500) Days of Summer throughout the flick. About the faults, I think that movie does drag a little on the Malar sequence but believe me in the end, you will end up wanting more.
Premam is a superb entertainer and one of the best movies of the year which will leave you laughing from the start to the end. Everything fortunately works for this movie, and supplemented by the superb script, this movie is a treat and should we watched as soon as possible (for which you may have to wait because in some places, the tickets are already booked for three weeks. I too had to come empty-handed from the theater 2 times because the tickets were sold out the previous day and therefore, I intentionally went to a newly opened mall in a remote place. Got middle seats, can’t complain ! 🙂 )

Rating : 9.3 / 10

THANKS FOR READING. IF YOU HAVE LIKED/HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS/HAVE ANY  DOUBTS, PLEASE SHARE. I WILL RESPOND TO IT AS SOON AS I CAN. AND PLEASE SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE TOO https://www.facebook.com/pages/Demanded-Critical-Reviews/1565666967024477?ref=hl YOU CAN ALSO E-MAIL ME ON castlebang786@gmail.com OR favebook2011@rediffmail.com.

Flight Plan – A Rant Review

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                                 Have you seen my daughter ? – Kyle Pratt

Robert Schwentke’s Flight Plan is about Kyle Pratt (Jodie Forster) an aeronautical engineer who is heading from Berlin to New York with her daughter Julia (Marlene Lawston) to bury her husband. But after three hours of sleep, Kyle notices that her daughter Julia, who was sleeping with her in the next seat is missing and everyone in the flight claim that the child was never on board. So, Julia begins a search against time in the limited space of the airport while the crew question her sanity.

So, I began watching the Blu-Ray collection that I have three days ago. I re-watched the Sixth Sense, then Up in the Air, then Juno and today I was faced with a dilemma of choosing between Flightplan and (500) Days of Summer and as I had already watched two rom-coms, Juno and Up in the Air, I decided to go with the thriller one. And while the crew in the flight was questioning Jodie Foster’s sanity, I was trying to question mine. This movie has a brilliant base of a plot. A girl goes missing at 37000 feet and no one wants to admit that they ever saw the girl. And that is exactly why I got it on Blu-Ray.

The movie stars Ned Stark and Clarice Starling and the cast of the awesome television series The Killing. And they all fail to deliver. Marlene Lawston is required to bring out our emotions, but after seeing her performance, I would have thrown her out of the goddamned flight myself.

Gear up people, you are going to be see things that you have never seen before : a parent trying to search for her child, sex in the plane cliche, references to schizophrenia, and the main gal / guy appealing to the emotional side of the criminal’s sidekick before attacking them off guard. Prepare for a villain as vicious as Joker himself for he is laughing and trying to give Jodie Foster the chills even after being smacked on the face by a fire extinguisher and the fact that his 50 million dollar plan was a piece of complete crap. Experience the so-complicated plot plan that makes even Ocean’s 12 look plausible.

Gear up to the score that is composed as if it is not meant for hearing. And analyze the mysterious Kyle who looks scared to shit even before her child goes missing. A movie so idiotic that the main villain gives Kyle the perfect route to find her daughter. Why didn’t I just watch that flick with the Golden Globe nomination and that gal from New Girl ? I have flaked Academy wins and nominations many times, but this time I raise my voice against the Razzies. Where have you been, Razzie guys ? Or what if ……………… even they skipped the movie ?

Flightplan has brilliant actors giving horrible performances, a very complicated plot that gets so complicated that it gets idiotic and is not for the general public to watch. I any of you have any sins that you want to repent for, watch this movie.

Was this that flick Obama ordered for the entertainment of Guantanamo inmates ? Yeah, I think so.

Rating : 0.4 / 10

THANKS FOR READING. IF YOU HAVE LIKED/HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS/HAVE ANY  DOUBTS, PLEASE SHARE. I WILL RESPOND TO IT AS SOON AS I CAN. AND PLEASE SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE TOO https://www.facebook.com/pages/Demanded-Critical-Reviews/1565666967024477?ref=hl YOU CAN ALSO E-MAIL ME ON castlebang786@gmail.com OR favebook2011@rediffmail.com.