To my dear readers, this article is mostly me moaning about my personal relationship with movies so read at your own risk, you may find it boring.
If you have read my Gravatar profile, you may have noticed I have said that I have opened this blog to find more people to talk about movies, because i have no social life. This point was further elaborated in my article ‘Answering The Perks Of Being A Wallflower’ and the review of the television series ‘Castle’. Today, a thought passed through my mind. It just came out of nowhere, but has left me thinking ever since and I won’t be able to concentrate on any other thing if I don’t write this and share it with you, my friends.
See, the main reason I have no social life, or more clearly, the reason why I am lonely is because of movies. I didn’t have this problem till I was 12. Then, I watched Castle one day and from that day, I have never looked back. That was the time when I got immersed in English entertainment. English literature, television and movies became my life. The thought that they are responsible for the current despicable state of my social life was just heart-breaking. Had the things I worshiped for happiness became the inception of my sorrow ? I didn’t know and that is what got me here, writing this post, as a eccentric form of therapy.
This article is not for your sympathy, please give that to the earthquake victims of Nepal who suffered the most grave tragedy. Instead, I just want you to read this and reach out to me. If you are a lover of English literature, movies and television shows, I need you desperately. I don’t know if I am making a convincing appeal because I am typing every random thought passing through my mind, but I hope you understand friend.
Movies have become a part of my daily routine. I can’t live without them. I watch at least one every weekend. Every free time I get is consumed in making lists regarding movies, or just talking about them to my very bored friends at school who don’t want to listen to me but pretend to care about what I say just so that my feelings don’t get hurt.
I don’t know if you understand my state of mind, I don’t know if you understand loneliness. You may, or may not, I don’t know. This is a problem that many do not understand. I have tried conveying this to two of my friends. One listened very compassionately, other just asked a question- You live in Mumbai, with a population of 270 million, how can you be lonely ? I say, because I can’t reach out to them, and because not one among these 270 million intrigue me.
If I approach you to be my friend, please forgive me if I appear to be pushy. I don’t want to be, but the remotest possibility of having a friend who has the same love towards movies that i have intrigues me to a high extent. Loneliness is not having people around you, it is not having people around you that you can bare your soul with. I want to talk about movies, sitcoms and books, because that is the only thing that intrigues me. Escapism as many call it, that’s what this is all about. I love getting transported to a new world with new characters, a world where I don’t have to worry about Chinese currency and Kim Jong Un. And that is what I want, a friend who wants to share this experience with me. A friend who I can talk about my passions with. A friend who confides in me. But, my passion turns out to be Hollywood movies and there ain’t nobody around here who wants to talk about them. I wish I could be there in London or California where I have more chance of finding such a person.
i have said that even if you don’t read my reviews, just post some comment, try to spark of a conversation, because I desperately need it my friend, I need it.
I love Chris Stuckmann (https://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisStuckmann). Why, because he is a lot like me. He used to be lonely at a time, had a dark phase in his life, then what got him up again ? Movies and he took up a career I wish I had. I envy him, he has a geeky wife as well and has people around him who also talk non-stop about movies. Whenever Chris talks, it feels like I am talking to a friend. It’s a warm feeling. I have possessiveness around him too, although I don’t know him. I cried when he got emotional in his tribute of Robin Williams, and I start a fight with anyone who says something bad about him in comments. I hope I can meet him sometime.
I also wanted to say something about some people I have met due to this blog. First of all, Mark Hobin. He is the creator of Fast Film Reviews (http://fastfilmreviews.com/), and is my favourite movie critic alongwith Chris Stuckmann, Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel. He is more of a mentor for me as well, he helped in a lot of things concerned with my blog and was also the first follower of my blog. Mark, if you are reading this, thanks for all that you have done. You may not know it, but I consider you one of my best friends. You reply to every comment that you get on your website which I find as a very great virtue. Mark, you may find some of my comments on your website as stupid, or just completely unrelated to the concerned movie or topic. I sometimes post them when I feel overcomed by loneliness. The fact that you will reply brings in some assurance to my existence and that joy when you reply cannot be described in words. I know you may find this very silly considering you reply to hundreds of comments, but I just wanted to say, it means a lot.
Next, to Kelly Konda. He is another person I consider as a friend. He was the first person to like a post on my blog and also talk to me through this medium. He also gave me a big step in my short blogging life. He offered to send me an invite to be a contributor on We Minored In Film (http://weminoredinfilm.com/) Due to some technical glitches, the invitation doesn’t arrive on my account. Fuck Indian internet ! But, the fact that you cared so much about my writing was very touching and I hope we can talk again sometime.
I think that is about it. But concerning to the main question, are movies consuming my life, I say the above mentioned examples are a proof that they have introduced me to few fellows who love movies as much as I do. So, it may be baby steps, but I am making new friends and I hope to keep on forging new relationships of friendship with people who share a love towards this art. Maybe you, the reader of this article, may turn out to be the best friend I will ever have. I may even end up getting teased for this article on the ruthless, emotionless internet. An endless list of possibilities lie before me, and that will help me to go on. I will keep trying.